Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I want to fling myself into the sun
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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