I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
