I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
