So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
