Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
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My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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