and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
