i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
