did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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