the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
