You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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