Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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