hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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