Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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