if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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