I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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