I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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