I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
