I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
