her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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