I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
