He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
