You just made me feel so damn special
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't put those talents on a resume
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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