Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
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You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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