Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
