Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
