Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
