I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
