Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
