It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
