She announced her abortion via fbk
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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