Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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