he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
