what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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