You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
