The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
