even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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