I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
