i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
