I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think my moral compass just broke
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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