These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
