I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
