So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
