I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
