sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
