dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink