i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO