I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?