I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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