is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
