His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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