i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
