Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize