i think i have two assholes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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