I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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