textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
