he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
