im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
