Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
