everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
