i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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