I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
