I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize