I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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