ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
