my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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