call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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