i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
