Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
