I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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