Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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