be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
