I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
