sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
