i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
