the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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