Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
