I'm jealous of your bromance
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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