and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
