when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
