I wish they made helmets for livers.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize